Super testy and ready to pop... an old post that never posted

I wrote this two weeks ago and effing eff, it never posted. So here it is again.

So, eight days from now I am birthing my next little trashlet (must come up with a nom d'internet for him...maybe Sanford.)

Needless to say, I am cranky as hell.

A few assorted rants (we'll call them "observations" to mitigate the Cranky Pregnant vibe, shall we?):

Observation #1

I love my grocery store so much (and I am definitely one of the po'folks in this area, but I still dig my highfalutin' grocery store.) One perk is that they have "customer with child" parking, right after the handicapped spots, which is damn convenient when you have littles with you, or are so pregnant you can barely waddle into the store.

However.

I live as a non-entitled peon in the Land of the Entitled, where all the people driving Saabs, Mercedes, Beemers, Audis and Rovers don't feel that they should have to a)stop at stop signs, b) yield to pedestrians in crosswalks, or c) park in a parking spot that is CLEARLY too far for their expensive shoes to bear. So, quite often, I see some tool park in one of the Customer With Child spaces, hop out of his child-seat-free convertible without any accompanying child, and head into the market for his sixpack of Stella, while I, or some other mom in a minivan, parks a mile away and trudges through the lot with a small child/ren while other people in giant SUVs or 60k sedans yak on their cell phones (in hand, of course) as they weave through the lot and almost run us down. I always think, you spent all that money on a car and you can't afford bluetooth? Why don't you have the maid do the shopping if it's so haaaaaard?

I really want to make up some slips that say "You're an asshole for parking here" and leave them on windshields but I am sure they have some anti-Democrat alarms on their cars that go off whenever the unwashed masses near.

Observation #2

Babies like to use bladders for a pillow. Just ask me about what happens when I sit down, stand up, or laugh. MOVE YOUR HEAD PLEASE K THX.


Observation #3

When the bartender and the karaoke DJ are laying bets on you giving birth a week or more early, you know your stomach has passed "big" and moved onto "efuckingnormous". The fact that you are even in a bar at this point starts to become ridiculous, but hey, at least I'm not drinking.


Observation #4

100 degrees is too fucking hot for anyone, but when you are gigantically pregnant and due in 2 weeks, don't go to Hershey Park.

Ok, so I should be nesting or cleaning or whatever right now so I'd better get to it. My mother is already horrified that PEOPLE might see my terrible living quarters after the baby comes. I am hoping he will detract from the need of a paint job and drywall repair needed in the kitchen.

Besides, Oscar is screaming at me for something so I'd better go.