Have you ever noticed....

that most of the people who name their kids Mason, Cooper, Sawyer, Sailor, etc. would probably drop over dead before they'd allow their kid to grow up to be a mason, cooper, sawyer, or sailor (unless the sailing involved a yacht, of course)?

On the other hand, it beats Bronx Mowgli. Or Apple.

NO OFFENSE TO ANY OF MY FRIENDS WHOSE KIDS ARE NAMED ANY OF THE ABOVE BECUASE CLEARLY YOU ARE COOL AND THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU. Unless it does.

Kennel cough

I am sick. again. My tenth or eleventh cold since October.

Since Oscar was born, I've had a cold pretty much continuously, except for a brief, annual, summer respite. I get over one. He catches a new one. He gives it to me. He's sick for a week. I'm sick for two. I get over it. He catches a new one. He gives it to me. Lather, rinse, repeat.

When I pick him up at day care, I can see other boogery kids. And since Oscar regards the entire world as his Kleenex, his sleeve, his cheek, and other things are generally befouled with boogers at the end of the day. His little face is chapped. And I look at the sick kids and think, kennel cough.

Is there a daycare equivalent for this? When I refer to it as "kennel cough" I get disapproving looks.

I KNOW MY KID IS NOT A DOG.

That said, kennel cough is fucking killing me. My throat! My nose! I'm snoring! I'm sniffling! My lips are chapped! I cough constantly! I've gone through six bottles of Nostrilla! I even bought a neti pot! Yes, it's come to that.

HELP.

The Mystery of the Floating Eyebrows: An Anthropological Study

Okay, this has been driving me batshit crazy for some time.

So let's put on our scientist hats and see if we can solve the mystery.

I first noticed this phenomenon in Dora the Explorer, and have recently observed the same in Handy Manny. There are some characters with eyebrows, on whom the eyebrows reside in a normal fashion. That is to say, on the head of the character. Here's an example:



Now, on some other characters, the eyebrows seem to exist independently, hovering in space above the head of the character in a menacing and impossible fashion:





Now, here is my question. Is it only Latino characters for whom the floating eyebrow exists? Is this a vestige of some South American mysticism, or enchantment, or just plain old santeria?

But why do Diego and Manny have attached brows when their inanimate castmates don't? Is being human the x factor here?

Why are eyebrows even necessary on a cartoon wrench?

Why do some characters completely lack eyebrows?

I tell you, there's a thesis in here.

And don't even get me started on why every.single.female character has to have long eyelashes and lipstick. There was one episode of Dora where a mommy crab was given a pearl necklace by her child (NOT THAT KIND YOU SICKO) and put it on her nonexistent neck and batted her long eyelashes and pursed her lipsticked mouth. WTF? Plus the perspective was so far off it was bordering on Escher. I couldn't find a photo of the mama crab but here is her floaty-eyebrowed babe clutching said pearl necklace.



I'm just sayin'. We need someone to investigate this. I think I'm onto to something really huge here.

We've been Disneyfied

We're back from Disney. A week at the Happiest Place on Earth.

Well, more like the Happiest Place on Earth, Dammit...And You'd Better Enjoy It Or Else!

You need to know that there were record cold temperatures in Florida during our visit. So much for a nice warm winter vacation. No pool. Made walkng around as much fun as it is at home right now. As in, NOT FUN AT ALL.

So we were in our room most evenings, and watching The Disney Channel. See, as much as Disney wants to create their own little world, they are a bit like China. They don't want any outside influences making you think evil thoughts such as "Lets go to Universal or Nick Studios for a tour." So, in order to make sure you don't get any ideas, they only have Disney/ABC channels, except for local CBS and NBC. So, if your kid wants to watch Dora, too bad, unless you are a defiant scofflaw like me and get Dora on your laptop or ipod (Thanks, Netflix!). The Disney Police are probably still looking for me but I'm a rebel. What they have accomplished is basically an ethnic cleasning of other kids programs. They want you to watch ALL DISNEY ALL THE TIME. Which isn't so bad if the Cheetah Girls movie is on (SHUT UP) but if I have to ever, ever, see another episode of the Suite Life On Deck, I will not be held responsible for my actions.


Also, Oscar subsisted on mostly a diet of chicken nuggets and fries. Alarmingly, they were the same everywhere we went. I was thrilled to see that the Japanese restaurant in Epcot did not offer them.

Oscar did like the rides, but he was just as happy playing with his Lightning McQueen cars in the room. Even MEETING Lightning McQueen was not as fun. He was cold, you see. And young. He liked the Jedi training academy (of course) and didn't like Stitch.

Speaking of rides, we were getting on It's a Small World and Occar was fussy. Some woman snarked, "Does he WANT to be on this ride?" I'm all like, BITCH, PLEASE. You are in DISNEYWORLD. Did you think it was Gay Week? There are shitloads of CHILDREN here. They may fuss now and again. In fact you can bet on it. I wanted to move closer to her to fuck up her day but we were already on our way into a ride that features LOTS OF LOUD CHILDREN SINGING. Whatever, bitch.

Oh Mickey you're so fine

We finally caved. We're going to Disney.

I KNOW.

Let me point out that we are not Crazy Disney People, those creatures who collect and visit umpty times every year and know the park in and out and thought about naming their children Donald and Daisy.

But, we are going. And in an effort to get all Disneyed up, we've been watching the Disney channel. A lot. And between Handy Manny (meh), Special Agent Oso (zzzzz), and Mickey Mouse Club House (bizarro), I am perplexed. They each annoy in their own special way.

But hey, next week, ask me how I feel! And pray for lots of Pixar.