Corny

I know a lot of crunchy people who don't let their children touch refined sugar.

Needless to say, I am not one of them.

Oscar looooooves candy. Loooooooves chocolate. Licorice. Marshmallows. Lollipops. And if given candy, he will eat and eat and ask for more and whine or cry when I say no, enough already.

So, it's nearly Halloween, and Oscar is in love with candy corn. I mean, he would eat it by the pound if he could. I have moved it to the top of the refrigerator to keep him out of it. He discovered that he loves the harvest corn with the brown ends even more because there is a cocoa flavor involved.

The Halloween episode of Yo Gabba Gabba has a song called "Too much candy's gonna make you sick!" He sings it as he wolfs down a handful of candy corn.

"Candy coin! I want candy coin!" he demands. No please, just the imperious little voice looking for his sugar fix.

One might ask, why do I buy it, then?

BECAUSE I LIKE IT. NOW SHADDAP.

Poopy Yummy!

Oscar is now obsessed with poop.

He knows poop is yucky, so he says "Poopy Yummy!" He substitutes words in songs with the word "poop" (example: A B C D E F POOP!!!!!!) And because I am apparently twelve years old, I laugh.

He made his Pooh Bear poop on my face this morning and laughed an evil little laugh at me.

Then he realized Pooh Bear's name is Pooh, and laughed some more.

He is not obsessed enough to poop in the potty, however.

Now, here's where the trashy part comes in. I sang along with him to the ABC Poop song today, and laughed. I then substituted "booger". He parried with "fite" (fart).
Good clean fun. And yes, I found it hilarious, while telling him not to do that at school. Nice going, Trashymama! Conflicting messages! Start saving up for that therapy bill!

In case you were wondering, pee is neither funny nor interesting to him. No idea why. No mystery to it, since he pees in the potty? It's a lowly liquid to poop's majestic solid? It's not stinky enough? It's not gross enough?

The world may never know.

they call him The Wanderer, yeah The Wanderer

Why, oh why, would an adult male, who shall be nameless, teach a nameless male toddler to scale the gate we use to keep him in his bedroom? WHY?

Oh, that's why. SO HE CAN COME INTO OUR ROOM ALL NIGHT.


Thanks, honey. No, really.

Toddlerchow again?

I have just battled through another dinner hour in which my son ate a bit of guacamole, the top bun from his pulled pork sandwich, and nothing else. Asparagus? "NO, Mommy, that's yucky." But it's yummy, roasted in the oven with garlic and salt and pepper and it's all crispy on the ends, and whoops, Mommy seems to have eaten it all.

He did eat a hot dog for lunch, but didn't touch the bun.

This weekend, he has rejected nearly all nutritious food in favor of nuggets, fries, and hot dogs. The pediatrician exhorted me to NOT GIVE IN and to give Oscar the same things we eat, and tough shit if he doesn't eat it. But Oscar, though he loves Locatelli romano cheese, spices and porcini ravioli, still will not touch a vegetable. In fact, he painstakingly picked the teeny chopped green onions from the fried dumplings we had Friday night before devouring the dumplings.

Now he's playing one of his favorite games, Horrible Car Accident, with his Matchbox cars. Is it inconsistent of me to not let him have toy guns but allow him to play Horrible Car Accident? Or have a pirate sword?

Ah, screw it. Too much thinking. Mommy needs some wine.

Potty Training, Part Deux(ky)

Get it? Deux-ky? No? Bueller? Bueller?

Ahem. Anyway.

Can I just say that potty training suck-diddly-ucks, and that even the trashiest of trashy mamas does not want to spend her time cleaning poop off of tiny Spiderman underpants?

Is there a trashy alternative here?

One of my crunchier friends was going to do elimination communication, but I think I'd have to kill myself first (using only organic knives of course).