Friday, March 19, 2010

The Boogieman, Part Deux

Oscar eats boogers.

I KNOW.

Now, this child is a veritable booger factory, first of all. And he is at the tail end of a cold, so the boogers are ripe and ready for harvest. He is ready to go spelunking. And he gleefully digs in, and then the finger goes right to his mouth.

I KNOW.

So the booger-eating goes on. I told him NO. I ignored it. I made fun of it. Then I started telling him NO again. Then I tried reasoning with him.

"Why are you eating boogers? Boogers are yucky!" I exhorted him.

"Mommy," (he said in that patient yet condescending voice he inherited from his daddy) "I have to eat dem because I need to go to my booger class."

Oh, ok. As long as there's a good reason.

Monday, March 8, 2010

A Short Guilt Trip, or, BAD MOMMY




So, Oscar and I went to the dentist this morning for his first checkup.

When we were at Disney, he fell onto his face when he was playing with his cousins, and I mean SMACK! right onto his face. He was bleeding everywhere from his split lip, and he said his teeth hurt, but they didn't seem to bother him after a couple of days. However, he did start to eat on his side teeth. Anyway. We did nothing, knowing we'd soon be taking him to the dentist.

Fast forward 2 months, and I take him to the dentist today. When the dentist hears about the fall, she xrays his mouth. And discovers that a)the roots to his two incisors are FRACTURED and b) he has a cavity smack between those two teeth.

Now, Trash Man and I have bad teeth. I mean, I spend thousands of dollars a year just to maintain my dingy smile, and Trash Man has more plastic in his mouth than Heidi Montag has in her tits. I brush Oscar's teeth every day, but he has allergies like I do, and he breathes through his mouth, like I do. I have cavities between my two front teeth myself. But, he's three! It's so sad! Fillings! Novocain! I don't want my baby to have novocain! As for the roots, nothing can be done except to hope that he doesn't injure them again before his adult teeth come in.

Of course, my mother will say "It's because of all the sweets you give him!"

Now, just for the record: He does not eat only candy. He does not drink juice that hasn't been diluted (despite the dangers of DILUTING THE VITAMIN C, see Sprout rant at beginning of blog for more details). He does drink chocolate milk, at night, right before he brushes his teeth. He doesn't like raisins or fruit rollups.

The dentist did tell me that chocolate is a better snack if you're going to have candy as it doesn't stick like sugary sweets (LOVE THIS DENTIST).

But, argh! Dental work already! What if he ends up as a baby silvertooth? Why do I feel so guilty? I'd better eat some chocolate.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Angels with Dirty Faces, or Lazy-Ass Parenting 101

So, you know that kid in the day care with the chocolate goatee at 8 am?

Yeah, that would be my kid.

And his father and I are too clueless/self-absorbed/careless/ dumb to clean him up. I always notice how dirty his face is when I'm already in the day care.

But hey, he's eating breakfast at least! And since the ads tell you to give your kids Nutella on toast for breakfast, I have to comply. I ALWAYS DO WHAT THE TEEVEE TELLS ME.

We did have Chocolate Chex today, and damn, they were good.

So, chocolate mustache...and today, with a glazing of booger.

BAD MOMMY.