I am so slacking on my vow to blog more. Between being knocked up, watching The Voice, and keeping us in corn dogs, I am just plumb tuckered out. Plus I suspect I just don't have much funny to report, other than my left cankle, which is a thing of beauty and a joy forever, and my rapidly expanding middle, which is going to rival the last time and is already showing signs of having its own atmosphere and tides. Also, trying to shave my legs while pregnant is high comedy, but if you saw it you'd probably go blind. Also, I hope maraschino cherries are not bad for me because I am heavy into Shirley Temples right now. My friends and I are all nostalgic about dinners out as kids where we got our own "cocktail". I am sure that today if I ordered my kid a Shirley I'd get a lecture about how inappropriate it is to order a training cocktail for a kid. WhatEVS.
Best part of being pregnant? I am not fat right now. I'M PREGNIT, Y'ALL. Pass the Doritos.
Have you ever noticed that you never see regular sized people in trailer parks? They are either too skinny-denim-tank-tattooed, like all the women who look like Patti Smith is their personal style icon even though if you asked them who Patti Smith is they'd be all like "Who? She on Nascar or what?", or fat and dirty-totally-gave-up-don't-wash-their-hair-unless-it's-parole-officer-day. I am clearly not destined to be a Patti Smith. Plus, I fear needles. I fall firmly into Camp #2.
Better go wash my hair. Right now.
14 years ago
Electric wet/dry shaver. No, it's not as close a shave as a proper one where you have to get wet and slippery, but using one dry is Good Enough and waaaaay less requiring of contortions in shower while slick. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteGossip around the trailer park is that the your new corn fritter has the same baby daddy as your current little jedi. Also I herd that you and baby daddy are legally wed, even before you got prego. How will you explain this to you chilren? Are you worried they may not fit in if you put them in pubic skoolin? How will it look if evrywon in your family has the same last name, sounds confusin to me. Sounds to me like like you are gettin all high and mighty.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, oh no you di-int. Don't make me come over there and slap the cigarette out your mouth.
ReplyDelete